Un-plan for growing up v0.1

When I was growing up there were certain thing my parents "made" me do. I didn't always like it at the time, but looking back on it I'm glad they did it. It gave me a set of skills that have served me very well as I moved into adulthood. Some of those skills like

• cooking
• typing
• navigation in the city or the woods

have been directly applicable to day to day life, but others like

• persevernce through failure
• the conviction that I can learn the basics of almost anything
• the knowledge of what it takes to turn my own suckitude into at least bare competence

are more abstract and perhaps more important.

My folks admitted later on that some of these lessons were consciously thought out (and by implication that some were not), but I also lived what would now be characterized as a "free range" childhood and learned some of them on my own or with my friends.

I think that both the structured and unstructured parts of my childhood have been hugely (and mostly positively) influential on my adult life, and I'd like to give my daughter the same advantages. Towards that end I've been trying to build a plan for what my spouse and I should require and not require of her. My first pass at a list is ... lengthy but not too structured. Hopefully it can be characterized as "ambitious but not suffocating". In any case, I'm sure the child will cause revisions as we go along.

So here it is for posterity:

Things you should do (besides your schooling) while you live at home to a lay a foundation for a good life as a grown-up.

• Learn the tasks of keeping a house. Practice all the things that are part of independent living
  • cooking
  • doing the laundry
  • cleaning various parts of the human environment
  • changing the AC filters, the batteries in the smoke alarms, etc
  You're going to have chores. Petition to have the changed from time to time.
• Practice the arts, get a basic grounding in technique of several kinds
  • Musical performance (vocal or instrumental)
  • Conveying stories and emotional states (acting, prose writing, poetry, dramatic reading, or story telling)
  • Visual arts (drawing, painting, photography, videography, etc)
  and spend a couple of years working on at least one
• Study a foreign language, and use it at least a little. Learn about the (or a) culture that comes with the language.
• Pursue a diverse range of individual skills:
  • Intellectual or technical skills (chess, stage-lighting, cooking, logic, philosophy, audio-mixing, art history, etc)
  • Physical skills (sports, horseback riding, martial arts, mountain biking, etc)
  • Mechanical, building, or programming skills (kitting, carpentry, automotive maintenance, web authoring, etc)
  • Skills for dealing with emergencies (first aid, CPR, how to work a fire extinguisher, lifeguard techniques, signalling and emergency shelters for wilderness emergencies, etc)
  and stick with at least one in each category until you're pretty good at it. Fix or build something that you still use years later.
• Spend a couple of years involved in a team sport or competition. Learn to turn your efforts to the team goal and to trust your teammate to do the same. Win some; lose some.
• Spend a couple of years involved in a individual sport or competition. Learn to rely on yourself. Win some; lose some.
• Experience the great outdoors in multiple environments and get comfortable in at least one. Have at least a small adventure.
• Complete (on your own or as the leader) projects with varied requirements
  • One that has many steps and requires planning well in advance; carry a clipboard, make lists
  • One that takes weeks of concentrated effort
  • One that takes longer but comes a little at a time
• Spend some long days in hard, physical labor. Learn to pace yourself, and learn that you can keep on keeping on.
• Spend some time taking care of others. Empathize to anticipate their needs.
• Connect with other people
  • Make friends
  • Learn to disagree respectfully
  • Learn to respect someone you don't like
  • Be there for someone else
  • Ask for help when you need it
• Connect with your inner life
  • Play
  • Do nothings much sometimes
  • Use your time wisely most of the time
  • Find awe in the world
  • Start learning who you are
  • Think about how you can be more like the person you want to be

It's a long list, but don't panic. You have a lot of time and individual parts of your life can count in several categories: playing in a soccer league is both a physical pursuit and a team competition and is a place to make friends; your long, hard project could produce the thing you still use years later. The hard work, the taking care of others, the winning, and the losing will all help you to learn who you are.

And finally:

• Work on something you suck at until you no longer suck. Learn that you can overcome your own limits, and what that requires of you. (If you do the rest you'll probably hit this along the way somewhere.)